Not romantic love or sisterly love. Not about movie or novel love.
This is about loving life and finding the beautiful sides of what you've been given.
It's no secret to my closest friends and family that this has been a rough work year for me. Yes, I have made the choice to work in difficult school systems because the children I service are the ones who need the most help. I take great satisfaction knowing I've taught now close to 200 kids to read & write. I've fallen in love with them, formed relationships with their families, changed the way they see things, the way they act, and exposed them to ideas they may never have known before. Even the ones who try my nerves each day with less than perfect behavior...often those are the ones I fall hardest for. They're my babies.
But this year I am an administrator and the problem is that, while I entered this position intending to support other teachers' instructional practices, I've found myself only dealing with behavior issues. The teachers need me constantly to help deal with the many, many disruptions in class, and it consumes every minute of every day. Not a single thing gets done that I should be doing in my role and that has left me frustrated, confused, sad, angry, drained, resentful.
My attitude had become so negative it was leaking into my constant state of mind and eventually reached an unhealthy level.
But then, one night last week, I had a talk with my brilliant, beautiful husband. He is my angel. He is my gift. You see, like me, he's an administrator. But he serves at an even higher level in the schools and willingly deals with behavior issues larger than those I see each day. He WANTs to be in this position, so he can talk about the responsibilities in a different light. He has more experience and is able to look at things objectively and often helps me sort these things out that I get so emotional about.
He also knows me inside and out.
He told me how proud he was of the work I'm doing this year. He reminded me that my school is in a tough spot and I'm not the only one struggling. He pointed out all of the things I AM doing for the teachers and kids. He reminded me of how the team would suffer without me if I were to walk away right now.
So, what I should have said is: This year, I'm an administrator, so I GET to meet and know and love almost 200 kids at once! I'm in charge of grades PreK-2nd at my school. Eight classrooms, 14 wonderful teachers and just over 180 kids from 3 years old to 9. (I could dedicate an entire blog simply themed with pictures and stories about each one of them).
They are extremely difficult but they need love, knowledge and attention just as much as any other kid in the city, the country, the world.
This idea is what sparked my shift in attitude. I may be miserable in my role, but these kids are still there and they need me. The teachers need me. I made a commitment. I will finish the year knowing that I am doing the best I can with what I've got.
The bright side is that come May, I can do whatever I want. Teachers have the gift of a blank canvas each spring. We can make the next year what we want it to be. So, there's a VERY strong possibility I'll be back in the classroom where I belong next year. Teaching kids to read. Teaching kids to think and love to learn. I cannot be so far removed from instruction again. It's been physically painful to me.
Moving on.
I am blessed with a wonderful life. We've covered the husband--he's amazing. I also have parents who love me, a sister who stands by everything I do, and the cutest dog on the planet. I'm extremely healthy. I hold a strong skill set in my career (even if I occasionally loose sight of it). Friends. INTERESTS.
Man, do I have interests. I said so myself right here!
I have experienced so many waves of euphoria lately and have not spent enough time trying to hold on to them.
I found this picture recently and fell in love with it.
Looking at it conjures up thoughts of Florence + The Machine songs because of its peaceful intensity, just like their music.
So, in the spirit of my sister's "Friday Five", here are some things that keep me in the here and now, feeling happy and peaceful, and looking on the bright side of my full & rich life.
Before I know it, we'll be back in Chicago and I can take long bike rides and runs along Lake Michigan with this view.
While I am here in NOLA, I have access to paths like this one to run on and be alone with my thoughts. I love the crunch of the dirt and leaves beneath my feel as I trot on...I love the smell of the trees and looking at the stunning houses that border the parks here.
I took the day off recently, just because. I went to a new store, The Fresh Market, and enjoyed a long lunch while I read my book on their charming front porch.
They're all decked out in preparations for fall.
They have this amazing turkey sandwich with a dried cherry spread that adds an interesting sweet tang to each bite.
I let myself wander to their second floor and discovered a wine room. Will have to sample some new bottles.
I have a super cool apartment to come home to every day.
Funfetti cake. It's my husband's and my favorite cake and I'm going to bake us one as our Thanksgiving desert this year since we're celebrating here, just the two of us.
Also, on Thanksgiving day, I'm running my first Turkey Trot .
It's a 5 miler. Should be a lot of fun.
Of course, I'm hoping they will serve us turkey at the finish.
And I have a husband who loves me so much. Having a life partner who supports everything you do can have such a positive effect on your life. No matter what happens during the day, when I come home, he's there. He's my life and the two of us are a family.
Jobs will come and go, but he's my constant. I'm so lucky.
No comments:
Post a Comment